I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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