so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Green mimosas i think yes
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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