areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
