Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize