You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
