There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
