I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize