yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
