do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Semen is not good for contacts.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
