Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Randomize