Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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