the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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