Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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