I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Vodka?
Forever.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
