Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
