I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
