In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize