It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
