who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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