At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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