i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
