True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
