I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
