I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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