Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
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