I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
"it" just moved
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
