but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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