He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
