i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You may now shotgun with the bride
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
