She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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