That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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