Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
