You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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