You made me cry and you don't even care
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
