now i know why i became what i already was.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I have already put on my inside pants.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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