My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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