I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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