i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
