How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
