K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
