the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
