ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I love how my cats smell like pot.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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