sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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