So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you had me at cake vodka
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
