I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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