I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
