I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
