did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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