After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
