Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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