I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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