there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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