I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
