I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
