In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize