Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
