Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My liver just had a heart attack.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
