in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
