I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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