genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
