I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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