is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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