This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
