New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your cock deserves a montage
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I'm having to shit out rocks
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