oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
pray to the hookup gods
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
