I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
