Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
