apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
NoShamevember. You game?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
