So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
