im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
barbara walters just said penis...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize