I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
