so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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